STORIES-2-INSPIRE #21 - Sean Rainey (Overcoming Men's Mental Health Issues)

NAME: Sean Rainey

FROM: Chichester, ENGLAND Instagram - Facebook Page

Male Suicide Awareness - Men Walk Talk

TOP 3 METAL BANDS:

1. Paradise Lost

2. Strigoi

3. Dark Tranquility

I had the mother of all breakdowns. It is a spark that you feel much like a fishing hook going in and it is in firmly. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. It was like being in a car wash and each flail hitting you. You just go down and down.

It was just a darkness, with no way of getting out. In a blackened room with no light, only blackness, so the only way out is to go through the back door to leave the room.

It was very scary. It is different to depression and suicidal thoughts. You are all alone. When you have a breakdown, you don’t really think about whether you want to die. It is not like that. It is an escape and release. You are not looking to end it.

You just want to escape and pull yourself out of the darkness and pain you are surrounded by. I WAS GOING TO END IT

I was living in Portsmouth at the time, so was surrounded by water and, as I can’t swim, I thought the quickest way of ending it all was to throw myself into the waves. So, one evening, I just jumped onto my bike and headed off. My phone went off 5 times that night whilst I was cycling , and eventually I answered it.

It was one of my closest friends, who got out from me what I was just about to do.

She tore strips off me and told me not to be so stupid. That phone call made me take stock of where I was, and what I was about to do. But it wasn’t easy coming back as I was weak and at the lowest I had ever been. I had stopped eating properly too, lost any fight within me, and, on top of that, I was getting bullied at work.  

HOW DID YOU RECOVER IN THE END?

It was a massive shock to realise what situation I had found myself in and just how far I was in and not being here anymore. I moved out of the house and situation I had found myself in and I found the courage to open up and speak to others about the breakdown.

All through this I had kept this all to myself and went to work every day and kept up a pretence that everything was fine.  

I started to eat and sleep properly again and gained my strength back very quickly due to the mental strength I had (I realise that not everyone has this ).

I saw an advert to walk around the Isle of Wight, 106km. Although I didn’t think I could do the whole lot, I thought I might try to do half of it. At the same time, one of my closest friend’s mother had just died of cancer, so I offered to do the walk in memory of her, which I did, and raised £2,118.

I did it in 11 hours and 50 minutes, and it broke me.

But... it felt great to complete the challenge and be able to raise that money. As a result, a few months later I signed up to do another long-distance walk from Eastbourne to Brighton. I’d never seen Beachy Head and Seven Sisters, apart from in films, so it was great to see them for real, and although that walk also nearly broke me, it did allow me to access my inner strength, which was a real help for me at that time.

The following year, I did the Isle of Wight walk again, and also did a 50k in the Cotswolds. On that walk, I managed to help a woman who was struggling through it. I stayed with her and gave her blister packs, and she told me afterwards she couldn’t have done it without me.

For me, that was really rewarding. I have since done loads more 50kms and some 100kms and helping others is something I have continued to try to do.

MENTAL HEALTH AND HELPING OTHERS

I’m now a fully qualified mental health first aider I am always an empath and fully understand the meaning of an empath , I am also an instructor member in training for MHFA  England and should obtain my licence to instruct MHFA courses and give the world and the business its next mental health first aiders, and am also a Trek Master for Action Challenge and have been one now for over 6 years.

This means I help people through their challenges when they’re injured or struggling. It’s a real satisfaction to help. It’s just a way of giving back and giving thanks, because I didn’t die.

Giving back to society in every way is so important to me. I have helped so many others in the same position I was in due to knowing the signs, being an ear and listening to others.

Being an empath means I know how others in pain are so can fully understand. I also know just how vastly important self-worth and self-care are.

THE POWER OF WALKING TO SELF HEAL

Walking is a type of therapy. You’re releasing good endorphins and when people walk, they open up, often telling strangers things they wouldn’t tell people closer to them. It’s amazing what people will tell each other within 10 or 15 minutes of starting to walk together.

I am a walking therapist and love to help people by doing this. I am a volunteer for a male mental health charity that is set up for males to meet up and to talk it out and to have little walks with other people and have fronted events for this charity too.

TATTOOS, SCARS AND SELF-HARM

My love of tattoos goes right back to my childhood when I saw the Rod Steiger film ‘The Illustrated Man.' I just watched it and said, ‘I want that!’

So far, I’ve got about 85% of my body done, and most recently had my backside completed last month. All that is left is parts of my legs, a few small parts of my back and my sides. Then, I’ll only have my face left, but i would never go that far even though I love tattoos.

They also hide scars from my youth after self harming during all my childhood and teenage years. They were also a way of taking pain away as the pain from harming myself was a form of release.

WHAT HAVE I PLANNED FOR THIS YEAR?

The woman who saved my life is a runner and she suggested I try running as well, so I started with a few 5ks, then went on to others such as the London Winter Run (10k), and the Worthing Half Marathon.

I have done a few 10kms and planned more for this year. I joined a running club and am building up my endurance but I’ll be carrying on with my walking. I plan to do Snowden at some point, having done Pen y Fan, Fan y Big and Cribyn in the Brecon Beacons before.

I’ll also be doing the CALM Lost Hours walk again, after the success of last year’s event. CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is an initiative which aims to raise awareness of male suicide. It’s a major cause of death of males and, as I know, it’s a really scary experience, which often you just don’t see coming.

It’s not helped by the traditional male attitude of stiff upper lip, grin and bear it. I also volunteer for male mental health charity Men Walk Talk as a walk leader.  With all these walks and runs, I’ll continue to raise money for charity.

Over the last 8 years, I have raised nearly £20k and I want to keep raising more.

WHY I WEAR MY NOTCHES BRACELETS

Notches are a great way for people who have done their challenges to clearly see and remember their achievements every day. Notches inspire them to other things.

For me, it’s a bit more poignant. I got my ‘I didn’t die’ Notch as a reminder that I was seconds away from dying. But fortunately, I’m still here to tell the tale. They are a great way to remind me of just how far I have come in my journey so I would encourage others to look up the notches if they can.

I feel that any reminder of the rise from a painful journey is a positive one.  

The biggest part of this journey is that no matter how hard life seems...

To talk and to listen are two of the best things you can do to make a difference. Sean

💪 I want to build a community or tribe of like-minded people through BORN 2 BLEED so if you'd like to share your story email me at info@born2bleed.com , send your story, your top 3 rock/metal/hardcore bands, where you're from and a pic of you rockin' your BORN 2 BLEED gear and lets fuckin' lift each other up, motivate and push each other forward!

NEVER GIVE UP!

Steve

(Owner BORN 2 BLEED) PS if you're ready to make serious changes in your life and willing to put the work in, but feel you need some guidance and support in moving forward...

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